1. Yell, "Put your dirty clothes in the laundry and get on your pajamas!" Repeat 11 times.
2. Pick up trail of dirty clothes all the way down the hall.
3. Yell, "Brush your teeth!" Repeat seven times. Stand in doorway to bathroom until task is complete.
4. Scrub gobs of toothpaste out of sink.
5. Read one chapter from "Ramona and her Mother." Skip superfluous words while deciding Beverly Cleary rambled.
6. Say prayers.
7. Tuck in.
8. Give kisses.
9. Answer bizarre question.
10. Turn out the light.
11. Say, "No more questions."
12. Say, "I love you."
Time: 15 minutes
0. Watch TV while waiting for Mom to complete steps one through four.
5. Teach children lyrics to the "Star-Spangled Banner."
6. Rehearse national anthem, loudly.
7. Tickle each child.
8. Read at least two chapters from whatever Chronicles of Narnia book they are on.
9. Read an entire book of tongue twisters, alternating pages to allow all of the children to practice reading.
10. Explain phonics.
11. Read another chapter from C.S. Lewis to one child, while the other two run relay races down the hallway.
12. Say prayers, adding, "God bless all the men and women of our armed forces" and other people Mommy doesn't think to include.
13. Tuck in.
14. Turn out the light.
15. Snuggle into one of the kids' beds.
16. Begin making oral Christmas lists.
17. Kiss each child.
18. Kiss each child again.
19. Fall asleep in kid's bed.
20. Continue snoring as child gets out of bed and tattles on Daddy to Mommy.
21. Ask Mommy, "Why are you kicking me?"