The Last Day of School

Today is the last day of school... but like no last day of school anyone in any time could ever have imagined.  There were no last-day-of-school photos or announcements or gatherings or celebrations.  Krinkeland is all home tonight, under our roof, safe, and that is what matters most.

Amanda is done with high school.  She took an online math final, I think (or was that yesterday?) and then spent the day working at the animal shelter.  She had her evening at home.  There was no field party... or all-night lock-in... or even a blasted sleepover.  Amanda got the text from Mom, warning of curfews and the threat of unrest, and she returned from work, ate carryout pizza, took a bath, and talked online with a friend.

Elisabeth is still finishing online learning assignments tonight, because she is a procrastinator.  She got out for a few hours this afternoon to celebrate a friend's birthday.  She hasn't seen a single friend in several months.  It was a small group, gathered outdoors.  I think they still followed the safe-at-home orders... I don't know anymore... and I am really not sure it matters.



Benjamin finished his online schooling, got his grades, and went on a bike ride.  Two friends ended up coming back here and they swam until they turned blue.  They are now officially calling themselves eighth graders.  They think they're big stuff.  They were the reason behind the pizza order.



Madeline was technically done with school yesterday.  The baby is done with elementary school.  She FaceTimed with friends today and watched too much YouTube.  She hovered over my desk regularly, asking when I would be done with work.  Grandma brought them Taco Bell for lunch, and that was the big acknowledgment of the end of a bizarre, bereft school year.



I didn't even really see my kids; I was so overwhelmed with work.  The only exchange I had during the day was with Ben, when he reported his final grades and I scolded him for the one A- he got.  I am not proud of that.  This is not an excuse, but it is the truth: We are under state stay-at-home orders amidst a global, viral pandemic.  And, now, we are also under curfew imposed by state and local authorities, after four Minneapolis police officers murdered a black man.  His name is George Floyd, though we will never forget it.

A friend texted me yesterday, as the riots and looting were spreading across both Twin Cities and into the surrounding areas.  She asked if I was at work and what I knew.  It was days and hours into continuous breaking news and minutes before the start of my newscast.  I said, "Of course, I'm working. Just stay the F home. Stay home and stay safe."  She heeded my words, assured me she and everyone she loves is home and safe.  All I could do was make sure my loves were doing the same here.

Today, while not celebrating the kids' last day of school and not being the mother they need and deserve, the doorbell rang.  (The doorbell never rings anymore... everyone is on lockdown, and staying the F home.)  It was flowers for me.  My husband delivered them to my desk with coffee, before turning to order the pizza and parent the children.  It was several more hours before I broke away for the restroom and took a moment to read the card.



I wept.  I do that a lot lately.  I have cried for George Floyd every day this week; it doesn't fix anything.  Then, I went back to work.

Eventually, I begged off... it was a 12-hour day following not much sleep the night before... and I am not young.  I am drained.  I am worried about my babies.  I want to do better by everyone, for everyone.

I made it to the deck as the sun was setting and the last three squares of pizza were congealing.  I let Maddy pick the board game... but I didn't let her win.  And now, I am going to collapse into my pillow, after one more round of hugs.  They need hugs.  I need my kids.  Stay safe and stay the F home.  I don't know how we're going to get through this, but I sure want the opportunity to try.

Go, Our Little Gopher!

Yesterday was officially Decision Day, the traditional day when high school seniors announce their post-high school plans.  If they had been in school, there would have been some sort of fuss, with kids in gear and holding signs and who knows what-all.  Even with distance learning, there were lots and lots of social media posts.  Amanda was featured in several of those, due to her leadership positions at the high school and across state organizations, but she chose not to create and share her own.  She said she didn't like to put out photos of herself (and she really doesn't like this photo I took) and she didn't feel compelled to make a Decision Day post because she made her decision long ago.  I said I could respect that, and I let her be; but the blog is mine!

Amanda had a lengthy exploratory process for choosing an institution of higher learning.  She began her search several years back, asking lots of questions and touring lots of universities with friends who are older than she.  During her junior year, when it was really time to start considering, Amanda didn't have much of an idea yet what she planned to study, but she did have a set of criteria she wanted to use in choosing a college:

• large, with lots of opportunities
• somewhat urban
• in the Upper Midwest
• public

Her top three contenders got visits, with official tours, plenty more questions, and surveys of older friends and acquaintances who were already students.  These were: University of Wisconsin-Madison, Iowa State University, and the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities.  Amanda applied and had been accepted early to all of these schools, along with several others she eliminated from consideration.  She (and we) found wonderful things to love about each school.  In the end, as you can see, Amanda chose the University of Minnesota.  She loves the crowds and the busy-ness and is excited about the plethora of opportunities.  I suspect it also factored in that many of her friends have also chosen, or are already attending, the U.  While we did not decide for her-- in fact, tried to not pressure her in any way-- Todd and I are thrilled she will be close to home.

She made her decision months ago, carefully and quietly and without a lot of fanfare.  Amanda is still working toward scholarships and grants; indeed, we are all looking at ways to fund and support this next phase in her life, especially in such an economically unstable time.  As her parents, of course we will help her in any way we can; we are also firm in our belief that we are raising our children to support themselves, and we have confidence Amanda will figure things out, making her own way and, yes, paying for it (with help, is our plan.)

Today, the day after Decision Day, Amanda is spending this beautiful Saturday holed up in a room, in front of her laptop, taking college placement exams.  I don't know if this is the way it's always done, or if it's a pandemic practice... she will be our first kid to go to college, and I sure don't remember what it was like when I went... but it's an exciting and nerve-wracking time.  Already with some college-in-schools classes and credits under her belt, we know Amanda will do well.  With so much that is bizarre and unpredictable at this time, this announcement and these steps feel firm and well directed.

Amanda wants to go to college and we want her to go.  That didn't come out right...  I am excited for Amanda to go away to college because I know she is ready to go.  I pray we will continue to evolve and adapt in the coronavirus crisis and find our way for "normal" life to go on, for Amanda to be able to attend her university in the fall.  We will be cheering her every step.  In the meantime, we celebrate her decision and rejoice in how far Amanda has already come.  Ski-U-Mah!  Row the boat!  Go Gophers!