Smells Like New Shoes

The heat and the humidity are NOT slowing the activity level in Krinkeland. We visited an area farm today, we're hitting the zoo tomorrow, and we'll try to squeeze in the state fair before the weekend's out. Why? Because school starts in two weeks-- so we have to cram in all that stuff we've been meaning to do for the past two months!

I remember being a kid at this time of year, and wanting to wear my brand-new school shoes on such hot, filthy outings as the state fair. BUT, I remember trying my hardest to not get them at all dirty. Isn't it weird the things you remember?

There are, of course, photos of all above adventures, but the camera is recharging between takes, so those will have to wait.

Clean Yuks

We all get chain emails. I usually read them, but rarely forward them. Even when funny, it seems I find most of the jokes offensive. Must be my liberal-love-everyone-yay-equality college girl personality coming out. So, when a friend sent me these cute, clean puns, I had to share:

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'"

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him: (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good...) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Fore!

As has been stated here many times, we have slim hopes for the children of Krinkeland becoming athletes. The latest evidence-- Benjamin's "hole in one:"

Stick a Fork in Me

Yes, once again we are back from the place... and we are all done. The children and Todd have long since crashed, and I'm guessing Grandma and Grandpa P. don't need to see us again for a while-- but we had a wonderful trip to Duluth. In four days, we crammed in the Great Lakes Aquarium; the train museum, the children's museum, and a ride on the North Shore Scenic Railway; Gooseberry Falls and Split Rock Lighthouse; a cruise on the Vista King; hiking, wading, and rock collecting along Lake Superior's shore; Canal Park and the Maritime Museum; and plenty, plenty of dips in the hotel's waterpark.

p.s. For the slower visitors to Krinkeland, "Stick a fork in me-- I'm done" is a colloquial expression that means, "I'm spent, finished, worn out." It refers to a well-done piece of meat.

Travel Prayers

We are off again, for a little family adventure to Duluth. Grandma and Grandpa P. are joining us. My prayers for the trip are simple ones: that the price of fuel continues to come down, that everyone sleeps in the hotel rooms, that no one gets the stomach flu, that the kids have fun and I remember to take pictures, that I don't kill anyone.

Cleaning House

In anticipation of the coming school year, I decided to attack the girls' closets. Amanda grows an average of an inch a week, I swear, so we sorted though her stuff and packed up most-- two boxes of hand-me-downs to save for Libby, two boxes for Goodwill. I was pleased with myself to find she actually had a couple school uniforms that fit... Then, I remembered back to last spring, when three weeks before the end of the year she was busting at the seams, and I guess I bought just a few new pieces a little too big.



The real task, now, will be Elisabeth's closet. She's the clothes horse. And, Miss Fashion Plate doesn't like to get rid of anything, because, then, how would she be able to change her outfits a dozen times a day? I've given her the job of going through her shoes now, and getting rid of anything that doesn't fit or looks really gross. If she had her way, she'd toss anything that wasn't a flip-flop. If I had my way, she wouldn't own any flip-flops. Ah, compromise-- the spice of life. Libby just showed me she already knows how to tie her shoes. Huh, wonder who taught her.

Read Between the Signs

The first sign posted outside the play room, I understood. But I sought out the sign-makers for clarification on the second.



Turns out, they meant Ben. Two points of interest here, geniuses:
1. Being six-and-a-half or almost-five does not exempt you from "kid" status.
2. Your brother can't read.

Party Time!

Last week, Grandma R. turned 60. Last evening, she threw herself a birthday bash! The partygoers included a group of mourners from church, eulogizing Connie's last 59 years:

One Exceptional Rant

I don't typically comment on current events, certainly not politics-- that's more my husband's arena. Usually, other people yammering on about such topics is like fingernails on a blackboard to me. But, I must make an exception. I was just surfing the news headlines (once a news junkie, always a news junkie) and I spotted this: REPORT: EDWARDS ADMITS AFFAIR.

(WASHINGTON) Former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards on Friday admitted to an extramarital affair while his wife was battling cancer. He denied fathering the woman's daughter.

Edwards told ABC News that he lied repeatedly about the affair with a 42-year-old woman but said that he didn't love her. He said he has not taken a paternity test but knows he isn't the father because of the timing of the affair and the birth.

ABC said a former Edwards campaign staffer claims he is the father, not Edwards.

Edwards was a top contender for the Democratic nomination for president, pursuing his party's nod even after announcing that his wife, Elizabeth, had a deadly form of cancer.

He placed second in the Iowa caucuses last January but dropped out of the race a few weeks later. He has been mentioned as a possible vice presidential choice for Barack Obama. The former North Carolina senator was the Democratic nominee for vice president in 2004.

Seriously?! I mean, SERIOUSLY?! As far as I know (and, believe me, this nosy woman asks) my family and friends have no trouble keeping their pants on. Are there opportunities? Sure, there are always opportunities. Dude checking me out at Cub Foods yesterday was checking me out... But I have no plans to visit him in his dorm room at St. Cloud State. I joke with my husband, "Honey, if you think you can get it-- more power to you!" But he doesn't. He wouldn't.

This is not a partisan thing... I rail against anyone who thinks with his/her hormones. But, Bill Clinton pissed me off in a major way, too. I don't care if "everyone's doing it..." I really don't care what your "definition of 'is' is..." YOU ARE VYING FOR/HOLDING THE MOST POWERFUL POST IN THE WORLD. YOU ARE A ROLE MODEL TO MILLIONS. In the case of Edwards, he has faced massive, massive obstacles in his life-- the deaths of children, an ill wife. You can handle that, but you can't control your wheedler?!

Give me a break. The sex can't be that good. Not like it would be with me, anyway. And it won't be with me, anyway! I CAN KEEP MY KNEES TOGETHER. Amen.

Going Green

With Todd gone, again, (this is getting to be a habit,) the kids and I are just hunkered down, making it through the day. We conned Grandma P. out of two meals and some extra-adult-assistance on errands yesterday, so today I figured we'd stay put. I've been occupying myself with interesting chores, such as swapping out silverware for hand towels in the kitchen drawers-- while completely ignoring the crumbs on the floor. The girls have been making a toy tornado in the playroom. And where is Benjamin? He's in the hallway, totally unattended, coloring himself green.



After I got over the initial horror, and before I tried to scrub him, I amused myself by asking him questions:
Mom: "Who did this?"
Ben: (gleefully) "Me! I did this! I did it!"
Mom: "What did you do?"
Ben: "Holor on Benny."
Mom: "Why did you do that?"
Ben: (shrugs) "No paper."

Sad About Skinny Kids

So, Todd is always working on a "plan"-- a plan to make more money, that is. He took the job he has now to get experience to hopefully one day start his own company... that kind of thing. In the meantime, he occasionally hounds me about starting my own business. "You should write a book." "You should put an ad in the paper and help people write speeches, term papers, resumes." We could definitely use the money. I'm all for having a professional outlet. (My college education did not center on wiping poopy.) BUT, we have three small children and this stellar blog takes up all my spare time.

In between eBay stints, Todd has also suggested I start some kind of an online commerce site. "Find a need, and fill it." I have a friend who is an Internet guru, and she's also very creative, so he thinks we could get something going. Problem is: my friend has a well paying job she loves, and I don't have the drive to get anything going. Truth. Plus, I don't have any ideas.

Well, that's not entirely true. I have had one idea, about starting an online store for "skinny kids." With two of my children significantly underweight, I find I am constantly foraging for "slim" pants-- Libby basically wears dresses all the time, and Ben is in overalls (or shorts three sizes smaller than his shirts.) In winter, they both walk right out of their pants. If I buy the correct length, I can't get the waist small enough. Plus, there's that whole arena of high-calorie foods. I know, I know, the rest of us are looking for plus sizes and low-cal snacks... But there is that other side out there.

This brings me to the point: While online this morning looking for school uniform shirts for Amanda, I decided to do a search for a website name. When I typed in skinnykids.com, a child porn site appeared. Now, I just want to cry.

Peaceful-- HA!

A new visitor to our house commented, "I just love it. It's so peaceful here." Thought you all could use that good joke.

Back From the Place

Yes, we are back from the place. That's one of those sayings that gets repeated in my family... I don't really know why, or how it started. We have returned from a long weekend at the cabin with Grandma and Grandpa R., and Auntie Lisa. It was mostly a time of every-fun-place-to-visit-for-kids combined with a bit of chilling out for the adults. The kids rode the go-karts at World of Christmas over and over and over again, ravaged the candy store, and came home with an entire suitcase full of souvenirs. My favorite moment was when a security guard at the casino asked to see my ID; I looked around and asked, "Why? How old to you have to be to go to a casino?"

Headed "Up North"

We're taking off for a long weekend with Grandma and Grandpa R. and Aunt Lisa. It's our annual trek "up north," which begins with me stuffing half our house into the van, and ends with me bringing home 3 overtired children and 15 loads of dirty laundry. But we're making memories... to be shared here, when we return.