Be Good

I have further evidence my children are not perfect, and I'm stewing about it.

It took Amanda a full two hours after she got off the bus yesterday to admit she'd been disciplined at school. "Pulling a slip," she calls it; her teacher implements a system of colored paper slips: green means acceptable behavior for the day, yellow indicates some issue that requires correction, red signals you're headed for the big house.

Now, once or twice before, Amanda has fessed up to being warned-- or "almost pulling a slip"-- about minor infractions, and I haven't been too bugged. If she got scolded for running in the hall, I tell her I know she's excited about recess, but school rules are created to keep everyone safe, and it's her job to obey them. No big whoop. But, this time, Amanda was reprimanded for something that really bothers me-- teasing another child. This apparently wasn't a serious enough situation for the teacher to contact me, and maybe you think I'm overreacting...

According to Amanda's description, the teacher passed out worksheets, and two ended up on Amanda's desk. She told her classmate that he didn't get a worksheet, and he got upset. I asked Amanda whether she knew she had two sheets (thinking it was an innocent mistake) and she admitted she did know. What's more, she told me another girl in her class got into trouble for doing a similar thing to the same child. So, now, it feels more like ganging up, and I won't tolerate that.

I obviously spend a lot of time with other parents, and I try to surround myself with families who share the same values we do. Still, I am somewhat puzzled by how many people see their overall goal as parents to make sure their kids are "happy," as in, "I just want him/her to be happy." Yeah, happy is nice, and my kids should be happy because they lead charmed lives with a nice home, warm clothes, great food (if I do say so myself,) extended family who dote upon them, and pretty much anything else they could ever want. But what I want more than anything for my children is for them to be good. I see it as my job-- my around-the-clock, unpaid, thankless job-- to raise them to be decent human beings. I want them to value life, to offer basic respect and politeness to all, and to do what is right.

Up until this point, it has been a fairly easy task with Amanda. I don't take the credit for it; I've just chalked it up to her personality and disposition. My mom often comments, "If I was the younger sibling, I'd want Amanda to be my big sister." She is generally kind and compassionate, friendly and fair. I mean, if this incident had happened with one of my other unnamed children, it would be a totally different situation. First of all, I'd never know about it, because she'd never tell me. If the teacher shared, I'd think, "Yeah, that sounds like something she'd do. Now, what am I supposed to do?"

For the record, Amanda was contrite, she was punished, and she did apologize to the other child-- on her own, according to her, and in writing, with my guidance. I know, I know, we all slip up... and she's only six... and this isn't a pattern... But, I just keep thinking about girls, and how nasty they can be, how nasty I was, and how bad it could get.