I Was Like Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh, NO!

Justin scares the bebiebers out of me!

OK, I am not afraid of the *real* Justin Bieber; he is just irritating enough that I'd like to slap that smile off his face sometimes. Of course, if I was that talented-- or had that hair-- maybe I'd be arrogant, too.

No, I am talking about the life-size, cardboard cutout Justin who lives in our home. It was a 10th birthday gift to Amanda. Yes, something for which she actually asked, and, yes, something on which I actually spent real money.

Cardboard Justin was really cool the morning of Amanda's birthday, when he stood in the living room and welcomed her to double digits. But, ever since then, he's been nothing but a stalker, a lurker, a cardboard creep mocking me with his perfectly printed grin.

I pull into the driveway, look through the front windows and think, "Who's standing in my living room?" It's Justin-- and it's not just "One Time."

I stand up and come around the corner after working on the computer and nearly scream as I run into a smiling, motionless young man. It's Justin.

It's not only me who has a problem with the frozen form-- I've caught Elisabeth karate-chopping the Boy Wonder. Justin just stands there, grinning and bearing it.

Todd and I returned home from an evening out to find Justin face-down on the living room carpet. "I just couldn't take it. He scared me," the babysitter explained. Who could blame her? Hours after the children went to bed, she was still being watched. So much for "One Less Lonely Girl."

So, I am now devising a plan on how to off Justin Bieber. Putting him out in traffic would surely cause a jam. The fire pit seems barbaric. I'm not handy enough to turn him into a kite. Can't imagine any place would accept him as a charitable donation. Well, "Never Say Never." Suggestions?