Things That Go "Bump" in the Night

Todd and I had to do battle with the boogeyman last night. To be more accurate, TODD had to do battle, while I hid under the covers, clutching a telephone for emergency help and a ball point pen for protection.

You see, we were watching television in bed when we both heard a big thump. It was the kind of big thump one expects to be followed by wailing, because it sounded as though one of the children had fallen out of bed-- EXCEPT all of our children were having a sleepover at Grandma's house. So, that was the first weird thing.

Todd and I looked at each other and exclaimed simultaneously, "What was THAT?!" It was just like a sitcom. Thankfully, Todd got out of bed to check, because I wasn't about to risk my life like that. I don't think he was too eager, either, because he first went room-to-room upstairs, and it was pretty obvious the noise had not come from upstairs.

Eventually, Todd made his way downstairs, and I could hear him turning on lights, opening and closing doors, checking deadbolts, and the like. After a while, though, I didn't hear anything. That's when I began to panic.

Part of me wanted to get up and investigate, too... find out where my husband went... come to my beloved's defense... take out the attacker's eye and his privates, too... But a bigger part of me did not want to get eaten. I mean, really, if Todd was already done for-- well, then, who would take care of the kids? And the massive life insurance policy?

So, I stayed put in that bed, and I thought about when we were designing and building this house. True story: I was insistent that the master bedroom be the first room at the top of the stairs. In part, it was so sneaky teenagers would one day have to sneak past Mom and Dad's room to get to their bedrooms. But, mostly, it was so any attacker, upon entering the house and being hungry for blood, would come upon me and The Mister first, and leave our kids alone.

Now, to that end, I make Todd sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door; certainly, there is an element of self-preservation. Hey, give a girl some credit for intelligence-- we all know he didn't marry me for my long legs or my sunshiney disposition.

Anyway, after what felt like a really long time, Todd did return to our room, unscathed and mostly unshaken. We never did find out what the noise was. I won't be getting in line to see "The Hunger Games" again any time soon.