Little People, Big Mouths

I volunteered in kindergarten today. It's something I do only every so often because-- let me just be upfront here-- once in a while is all I can take. Don't get me wrong-- I LOVE those little urchins. They are adorable and sparkly and oh-so-full-of-energy. They wear me out.

One stared at the braces on my teeth and asked what they were for; so, when I told him they were to make my teeth straighter, I asked if it looked like they were working. He made a face and said, "Nah."

One told me he was an expert at making macaroni and cheese all by himself, but he was afraid to stir the corn muffin batter.

One planted her face in my crotch every time she hugged me, and she hugged me repeatedly. (That was not my kid.)

One told me I smelled like a hospital. (That was my kid.)

One told me over and over again, "Hotz-yee," and I thought he was calling me "Hottie" but he was actually saying, "Yahtzee!"

One tattled to the teacher that I dropped an egg on the floor.

One overheard me call another student "Honey" (because they are ALL honeys) and chastised me, "Does he live in your house? Because, if he doesn't live in your house, I don't think you should be calling him 'Honey.'"

And, then, I left kindergarten and went to the bar.